The time of year when men stereotypically receive a shirt, bad tie, and if you are lucky; maybe get taken out to dinner. Fathers, for the most part don’t want much, expect less and are satisfied with just a little recognition and a card. I do in fact remember asking my own father what he wanted for Father’s Day and he would simply reply “just some peace and quiet.”
Looking back I do not feel that this was sarcasm, or some poor attempt at a joke (ok, probably a poor attempt at a joke). I honestly feel on some level that is all he wanted. The rest was just fluff.

Fathers that work hard to provide for their children (and significant others) are very driven to do just that, work hard. It often manifests itself in overtime and part-time jobs, not so much for something they want, but oftentimes for their loved ones. For many fathers, the ability to provide for their family, and see the smiles on their faces when they can provide something special is rewarding in and of itself. Men like this, though not glamorized, still exist, which brings me to the reason I wrote this piece.

“Happy Fathers Days to all the Dads/Fathers and even the Mothers who are doing the DOUBLE DUTY as MOTHER AND FATHER HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO YOU ALSO.” This was a post that someone once placed on Facebook. Others included, “Happy Fathers Day to all the REAL Fathers out there” (funny how on Mother’s Day no one feels the need to qualify the holiday by celebrating REAL mothers) or some variant of this. And while this may seem laudable or even harmless on its face, I respectfully disagree.

The fact of the matter is that no matter how hard a woman tries, she cannot be a man, and consequently does not qualify as a father. Now I am not suggesting that a woman is incapable of fulfilling the parental responsibilities that a father would perform, many women do. But that does not make her a father; it makes her a damn good mother. And there are plenty of women like this out there.

It is a sad commentary that single parent homes and absentee fathers have become so normative in our communities that people can say Happy Father’s Day to mothers and folks not bat an eye. Once again let me clarify, I am NOT taking away anything from mothers. Nor am I stating that women who are single parents are solely to blame for their situation of raising a child by themselves. I am quite sure a man was involved. But I am suggesting as a good friend said to me, “…a female cannot encapsulate certain intangible qualities that a male brings to child rearing.

In essence… men and women are different. The average 4 year old knows this.” And this is my point; that men and women are different. And that no matter how much we in our politically correct society try and frame it, mothers and fathers are not gender neutral roles; they are gender specific.

So on Father’s Day, there is no room to bash father’s who aren’t around or those that never took an interest in their children to begin with, nor is it a time to celebrate women, but leave this day for the men; fathers, uncles, godfathers, grandfathers, brothers. Celebrate those men who work hard and are positive male role-models. To do this takes nothing away from the ladies; it should just add to the encouragement and uplifting of men who deserve it.

Alvin Mallette

Phyllis Leyden-Alexander

My husband was fired from his job because the last time his brother was arrested he used my husband’s name and address and social security number. When the job did the background check it showed my husband has a record, which he does not. The police said they can’t do anything. Is there any way to fix this? My husband is innocent.

A Worried Wife

Dear Worried,

Your husband is the victim of criminal identity theft, and while it will not be easy there are steps he can take to clear his name. Although he did not cause this problem he is the only one who can fix it.

According to the Identity Theft Resource Center (ITRC) Fact Sheet #110, your husband will have to file a “false personation” identity theft report with his local enforcement agency. For more detailed information you can visit their web site at www.idtheftcenter.org, or call them at (888)-400-5530. IRTC is a non-profit agency and there is no charge for any information or assistance they provide.

I hope your husband will pursue this matter until his name is cleared. His brother has no one to blame but himself if he negative effects result from your husband working to clear his name. Your husband’s loyalty and responsibility are to you and your children, and being able to provide for his family. He will not be able to do that effectively until he is no longer associated with the crimes committed by his brother.

Dear Phyllis,

My husband is acting jealous towards me because we were both looking for jobs, and now I have a job but he still doesn’t have one. How can I talk to him about this? He gets very defensive when I bring the subject up and we wind up arguing.

Just Wanna Talk

Dear Wanna Talk,

Unfortunately, you cannot make your husband talk to you. What you can do is continue to let him know you believe in him and his ability to provide for the family, and that you understand his frustration. Even the most secure man can feel like a failure after a long period of unemployment. Do your best to keep the lines of communication open so that when he is ready to talk you are ready to listen.

If you have a minister or other professional the two of you can talk to by all means do so. Many larger places of worship offer free counseling as an outreach to the community. Make a few calls to find out what resources are available to you in your area. If your husband initially won’t go with you, go alone. It will help you to cope and give you pointers on helping the family make it through this difficult time.

Under Construction

by Naomi D. Williams

Facing the Giants, a 2006 movie, tells a story of defeat, despair, negativity, faith, hope, triumph and victory. One particular scene in the movie depicts the football players, after practice, in utter disbelief of their abilities to defeat their opponents in the upcoming game. In an effort to inspire them the coach challenges one of the players to complete a bear crawl exercise with another player on his back for 50 feet…blindfolded. Well, I won’t spoil the movie’s ending; however, I will spoil this scene’s end. The player not only completed this exercise he went the whole length of the football field, bear crawling, with a 140 pound teammate on his back! There were times the young man wanted to give up and quit; he felt he couldn’t go any further, but his coach and teammates cheered him on encouraging him to give everything he had in order to finish the task.

I don’t have the space to go into what have been my life’s three main fears. However, I will say I am raising my greatest fear – parenting a differently-abled child (there are a variety of things that could make or define a person differently-abled. My child is significantly developmentally delayed [physically and mentally] and by medical terms profoundly mentally retarded). I’ve been forced to reconcile my fears and I’m so glad that I have. In raising my son, I’ve found great reward. Prior to becoming a parent I laughed in the face of fear just as Simba did in the Lion King. I was a scuba diver, a skier, a sky diver (well once and I decided to leave that sport to the birds). I was an outdoorsy explorer always on the lookout for the next adventure. After becoming a parent to a child with a host of medical problems all adventures came to a screeching halt. My dreams of all the wonderful things we would do together transformed into the fear abyss of what ifs. What if he doesn’t live, what if he doesn’t walk or talk? What if I can’t take care of him? Along with so many other overwhelming ideas that consumed my thoughts.

Living in fear is detrimental to your health. Constant worrying, aversion to food or overeating, or the lack of sleep solves nothing and helps no one. I decided to put the blindfold on and release fear the night my child died. Thankfully, the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) staff was able to bring him back. That night I had a heart to heart talk with my son and I released him to go. If he started having complications again that would be his sign to me to sign the DNR (do not resuscitate) and let him go be with Jesus and his great grandparents. Surprisingly his monitors didn’t go off at all the rest of the night and that was my sign that he was staying and ready to fight for his life. From that night forward we’ve kicked fear to the rear and fight for him to be the best he can be.

Since we’ve been on the healthy track we’ve accomplished things I wasn’t sure we ever would. We both recently completed our very first half marathon. We’ve taken a couple of trips on airplanes and long distance drives for college football games. We continue to set goals and push each other to accomplish them. I have audacious goals set for us and some that seem unrealistic for many. We’ve completed one goal which was finishing a half marathon; another is to get my son potty trained. Will it happen? I don’t know. I do know that if we never try there’s no chance it can happen. I’ve traded in my fears, regained my dreams and am setting out on the adventure of my life.

What ‘giants’ and fears are you facing in your life? What dreams are you ready to reclaim and work to make a reality? Is it getting your diploma or GED? Is it going back to school? Is it getting a better job or repairing a broken relationship with a loved one? Everything you need to begin facing your giants is already in your possession and starts with your mindset. Henry Ford said “If you think you can or can’t you’re right.”

Charlotte Bynum

It is always nice to be able to buy new things. ..the smell of a brand new car, the fit and texture of new clothing, the look and feel of new furniture… can all be quite intoxicating.  Even better than that, however, is the feeling of having saved hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, on a good deal. Let’s look, for example, at purchasing a used car.   Why not let someone else pay all of the fees associated with a new car purchase, or take the 20 to 30 percent depreciation in value during the first year or two.  Sounds like a no-brainer, but when purchasing a used car you really have to do your homework.  You’ll want to check out Consumer Reports’ Car Buying Guide.  Make a copy of Consumer’s list of reliable used cars, as well as those to avoid.  When you decide which car you are most interested in start comparing prices and features. Go to edmunds.com, craigslist and kbb.com (Kelly’s blue book).  You should know what the average sales price is so that you recognize a good deal when you see one, as well as to avoid getting scammed by someone trying to sell the car for more than its worth.

When you have found the car you want to purchase, get the vehicle identification number (VIN) and run a car fax report at carfax.com.   This will run you about $35, but is very much worth it.  A car fax will tell you if the car has been in a severe accident, was flooded, leased, the number of owners, etc.  Take a friend with you to test drive the car and make sure you have a reliable mechanic check it out before buying – not your cousin who works on cars.  A good mechanic will give it a good over-haul as well as run diagnostic tests.  Lastly, negotiate the price; you don’t have to pay the asking price.  If the seller won’t budge, give them your number and ask them to call you if they consider lowering the price.  If repairs are needed, the price should also be adjusted for the cost of repairs.  Generally speaking, I would not buy a car that needed major repair work.  When you buy used, you want to go with someone who has taken pretty good care of the car.  The down side to used car buying is that there are lemons out there, so take your time and be careful.  There is a good deal waiting for you.  Patience and persistence will help you find it.

When was the last time your blood pressure was checked?  About 1 out of every 3 adults has high blood pressure. The good news is you don’t always need a prescription to lower your blood pressure.

According to the American Heart Association, there are some simple lifestyle changes that can lower your blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart disease.  Check with your doctor if you have questions or need more information about controlling your blood pressure.

1.            Lose extra pounds and watch your waistline

2.            Exercise regularly

3.            Eat a healthy diet

4.            Reduce the salt in your diet

5.            Limit the amount of alcohol you drink

6.            Avoid tobacco products and second hand smoke

7.            Cut back on caffeine

8.            Reduce stress

9.            Monitor your blood pressure at home and make regular doctor’s appointments

10.         Get support from family and friends

A healthy lifestyle can have a tremendous impact on your blood pressure.  If you do have high blood pressure, be sure to follow your doctor’s advice and ask about things you can do to make a positive change.

Christ Community Health Services Augusta

Visit our website to learn more about our services.

http://www.christcommunityaugusta.org/christ-community-health-services